Grace Needed....

I'm wrapping up my week in Atlanta. I think my kids have had a good time. I've had a good time. I've gotten to hang out with my dad and see a bunch of friends. I've tried my best to be a good mom, but I've lost my patience on quite a few occasions. I feel really awful when I get impatient with my kids. Everything is going along just fine and everyone is in a good mood and then someone does something to push one of my many buttons. It's hard being in the deep South and yelling at your kids in public. I guess everyone does it behind closed doors, because I got some looks in Blockbuster today for reprimanding my middle son after he pulled about 3 dozen glow-sticks of a shelf (I don't know why a movie store is selling glow sticks). We are deep in the heart of Dixie and these folks around here do not seem to share my parenting style. When I got back to my dad's house he could tell that I needed a cold one and immediately put a beer in the freezer for me. I question my mothering abilities at times. I wish that I didn't loose my temper.

The kids and I watched a double feature tonite; Nacho Libre and Blades of Glory. The oldest one especially seems to get the subtle humor. Earlier this week we camped out in my dad's yard. Otherwise we've done some swimming and the kids have ridden their scooters on my dad's driveway. The boys had a blast earlier this week by crushing rocks in my dad's vice (spelling?) in his work shop. They were convinced that they had found gold and collected the rock dust into ziplock bags. My daughter has had a field day tormenting my dad's 3 dogs and she has decided that she wants a chinchilla. Every couple of days I make the kids write in their journals and despite all of the activities that we have done, my eldest chose to write about the meal he had eaten at Cracker Barrel the nite before and my middle wrote about some plastic toy he wanted to buy. My daughter has immunity from journal writing, but has to do dot to dots.

What I hate the most is when my kids argue with each other and when they pick on each other. Generally they get along well, but they do get on each others' nerves. I don't know how to handle it. I think I try to remain rationale, but after awhile I am driven beyond reason (because my gentle pleas to them to get along don't work) and then I start yelling like a crazy woman. I'm no better than they are and I'm certainly not setting a very good example. The tactic I used tonite exploded in my face-when I tried to tell them that after their father and I were gone they would only have each other (so they better learn to love and appreciate each other). All 3of them burst into tears at the thought of a future that didn't include Lee and I. Earlier today, I was sitting in the van with them as my mom ran into a store and they started up with each other and I put them "on silence". No one could talk for a good 5 minutes and then I made them each come up with 5 things they liked about their other siblings. Each one of them has their own tactic that they use in battle with the other two. The oldest always has to be in charge and always has to be right. He exasperates the younger two because he always corrects them and he almost always has the other two under his thumb. The middle one is a cry baby. He has learned that the quickest way to get people to do what he wants is to start screaming and pitching fits. Literally, his sister can look at him wrong and he will start yelling and crying. We are all kind of scared of him because he tends to make everyone else miserable when he is miserable, so we all cave into his ploys (b/c no one wants to deal with his meltdowns). The youngest just has no concern or regard for consequences so she does whatever she wants to do and generally doesn't listen if you are trying to reprimand her. I wish I knew what I was doing. God needs to infuse me with his grace and patience.