I should be asleep, but my mind is going Britney on me and running a million miles a minute. I have my favorite CD in, which usually does the trick, but not tonite. My spiritual journey has been a bit bumpy the past few days. I had contemplated logging on a few days ago, but I was too humiliated. So, for all you sinners out there, I just want you to know that some days I feel like I am leading the pack. Of the seven deadly, I'm quite certain that I've committed at least 5 of them, and that is just this week.
Today my 4 year old daughter was playing spinal cord injury dog. We talk about spinal cord injuries a lot around here. Since we are both medical professionals and teaching faculty, Lee and I probably do a bit more explaining than is necessary for your average, say, 5 year old. Due to circumstance, they have met individuals with spinal cord injuries, so we explained to our kids...."hurt the big nerve in their back...can't move legs...sometimes arms...". We've used this as rationale for them not to jump on the bed and the reason we won't let them on our neighbor's trampoline. They were probably too little to remember Baby, my grandmother's Yorkshire Terrier, who was victim to a vicious attack at the jaws of my uncle's Chow, leaving her lame. Afterwards, for the last half of her life, Baby would drag around her back paws, side-winding and yapping. Her spinal cord was no match for the Chow's teeth.
My daughter is drawn to things that are small, cute & furry. So, when she saw the puffy little Maltese coming down the street pulling it's back legs on one of those doggie wheelchair/roller-cart thingies, she had to meet him. When she asked the owner what happened to the doggies feet, the owner kindly explained, "spinal cord injury". My daughter's eyes lit up like it was Christmas morning. She knew what that was. She knew other people who had similar injuries, but she never knew that dogs could suffer the same fate. The dog and owner walked/rolled away. While her brothers rode their bikes around her, she was down on all 4's barking and dragging one of her legs behind her. "What are you doing?" I asked her inquisitively. "I'm a spinal cord injury doggie" she responded. Throughout the afternoon her level of injury would migrate to a high cervical injury, leaving all of her limbs motionless except for a few involuntary spasms to a low thoracic injury where she could chase her brothers on 3 limbs, dragging her right leg behind her. Her oldest brother tried to offer her an antidote which would allow her to regrow her back paw (he was confusing the spinal cord injury wheeled dog with our neighbor's 3-legged wheeled dog). Imperfection is not an option for him. But, she was comfortable with her handicap, preferring her gimp paw to a newly regenerated one. Her brother, not understanding this, peddled off to play a Y-linked game he could digest, like secret spies; a game of absolutes and right and wrongs and no grays. She barked and wagged her tail, just happy to have 3 good paws.
Psalm 34:4, 8 "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears...Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those that trust in him!"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
He Really is Sick
As it turns out, my middle kid isn't faking it. It took q raging fever and scrawny patheticness to finally convince me, but luckily I didn't force him to go to school yesterday and prove he was guilty till proven innocent. Now, with the ibuprofen reprieve he is feeling well enough to bug me about wanting to play computer games. It inconveniences me that my children are now old enough to want to share my stuff. I guess I should embrace their burgeoning knowledge of all things electronic because soon I can go to them about all my technological questions.
Yesterday I made 'caca cookies'. Caca is the term we use in our house for defecation. I never liked the words 'poo-poo' or other euphamisms, so I went back to my Mexican roots for a good old Spanglish word to describe human waste. The cookies were my way of compromising with my husband about giving our kids metamucil. I was staunchly opposed and he thought it was an excellent way to cure kiddie constipation. So, I made chocolate cookies with that fiber cereal that resembles small twigs. The problem is that they taste so good that we might have the opposite problem soon.
I must go because my kids are pestering me to play their games. I leave you with this poem that read yesterday....
The Road of Life
At first, I saw God as my observer,
my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong,
so as to know whether I merited heaven
or hell when I die.
He was out there sort of like a president.
I recognized His picture when I saw it,
but I really didn't know Him.
But later on
when I met Christ,
it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
but it was a tandem bike,
and I noticed that Christ
was in the back helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was
that He suggested we change places,
but life has not been the same since.
When I had control,
I knew the way.
It was rather boring,
but predictable . . .
It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
up mountains,
and through rocky places
at breakneck speeds,
it was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,
He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious
and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
and I started to learn to trust.
I forgot my boring life
and entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing,
acceptance
and joy.
They gave me gifts to take on my journey,
my Lord's and mine.
And we were off again.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I did,
to the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received,
and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him,
at first,
in control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
but He knows bike secrets,
knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up
and pedal
in the strangest places,
and I'm beginning to enjoy the view
and the cool breeze on my face
with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says . . . "Pedal."
-- author unknown
Yesterday I made 'caca cookies'. Caca is the term we use in our house for defecation. I never liked the words 'poo-poo' or other euphamisms, so I went back to my Mexican roots for a good old Spanglish word to describe human waste. The cookies were my way of compromising with my husband about giving our kids metamucil. I was staunchly opposed and he thought it was an excellent way to cure kiddie constipation. So, I made chocolate cookies with that fiber cereal that resembles small twigs. The problem is that they taste so good that we might have the opposite problem soon.
I must go because my kids are pestering me to play their games. I leave you with this poem that read yesterday....
The Road of Life
At first, I saw God as my observer,
my judge,
keeping track of the things I did wrong,
so as to know whether I merited heaven
or hell when I die.
He was out there sort of like a president.
I recognized His picture when I saw it,
but I really didn't know Him.
But later on
when I met Christ,
it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride,
but it was a tandem bike,
and I noticed that Christ
was in the back helping me pedal.
I don't know just when it was
that He suggested we change places,
but life has not been the same since.
When I had control,
I knew the way.
It was rather boring,
but predictable . . .
It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead,
He knew delightful long cuts,
up mountains,
and through rocky places
at breakneck speeds,
it was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness,
He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious
and asked,
"Where are you taking me?"
He laughed and didn't answer,
and I started to learn to trust.
I forgot my boring life
and entered into the adventure.
And when I'd say, "I'm scared,"
He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed,
gifts of healing,
acceptance
and joy.
They gave me gifts to take on my journey,
my Lord's and mine.
And we were off again.
He said, "Give the gifts away;
they're extra baggage, too much weight."
So I did,
to the people we met,
and I found that in giving I received,
and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him,
at first,
in control of my life.
I thought He'd wreck it;
but He knows bike secrets,
knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners,
knows how to jump to clear high rocks,
knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.
And I am learning to shut up
and pedal
in the strangest places,
and I'm beginning to enjoy the view
and the cool breeze on my face
with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.
And when I'm sure I just can't do anymore,
He just smiles and says . . . "Pedal."
-- author unknown
Thursday, January 24, 2008
My Spiritual Journey (and other stuff)...
I've been trying to decide what direction I should steer (don't know if this is cattle or driving) this new blog. I am entering into a new level of my spiritual growth and I think this would be as good of a place as any to chronicle my growth. Part of me is nervous to put my faith out there because, historically, I've always been mortified by people who publically proclaim to be followers of 'Jee-sus'. But, I'd like to think that I'm beyond caring about public humiliation and I'm secure enough in myself to realize that Jesus is equally as credible to discuss and believe in as most of the schlock that is out there. Before I scare anyone away, this is not meant to be fire and brimstone and hell and damnation (though I do believe in that sort of thing), but just a way to talk about what I am experiencing. Of course I will likely throw in other thoughts and reflections and experiences (and some of which will seem less than spiritual).
I'm starting a new bible study today which will be an 8 week study in preparation for Easter. I'm very excited about it because I have been wanting to really get to know God on a more intimate level. As I go along this journey I become less interested in what it is that I want to do with my life and more interested in what God has in store for me. Interestingly, though you might think this might cause some fear and anxiety (like what if He wants me to go live in the jungles of Borneo or become a televangelist or pass out tracts on the street corner) it really doesn't. As I have learned over the past 11 months, He can carry you through the most horrific of situations with peace and joy. I guess it is like any relationship in which you enter. At first there is some distrust; does this person really have my best interest in mind and when will they screw me over? But, as you spend more time with that person, you build trust and work out your issues. For those skeptics out there, like maybe I'm just deluding myself (that whole idea that religion is the opium for the masses)? Perhaps, but it is a delusion that works for me.
My middle kid stayed home from school today. Apparently he is 'sick'. I'm not sure that I trust this hypothesis right now, but I decided not to be a complete dragon lady and let him stay home (especially since his hacking cough might be off-putting to his teacher and his peers). By allowing him to stay home we avoided the whole 'bump-in-the-sock' drama. A phenomenon that only occurs with his socks, even the so called 'seamless socks'. Putting on a pair of shoes (if we can find his because his and only his always magically disappear) can cause an unreasonable delay as he has to readjust his socks about a dozen times (per foot) before he is able to walk. As I have learned, life is harder for my middle child than for the other 2. For some reason the same situations that the other 2 can pass through with ease cause this one much difficulty and consternation. For instance, he is a 'slow-eater'. This is a diagnosis that he gave himself. He is afflicted with the inability to eat whatever he is provided in a timely manner, especially if finds said meal unpalatable (i.e., not candy or fruit). If I try to shame him into eating by comparing him to his siblings (yes, I know this is not a parenting technique that is advocated by anyone) and reminding him that they finished their respective meals long ago, he responds tearfully, "But mommy, you know I am a slow-eater" as though I am trying to get a legless kid to run faster.
I had a tete-a-tete with my oldest the other day. He and the middle child had been disciplined after they made me proud in the grocery store by doing their finest booty dance at the cash register and engaging in various and sundry other assinine antics. Their punishment, no cookie or cookie-making after school as had been promised (the whole reason we were at the grocery store-to purchase ingredients for our Norman Rockwell afternoon). I thought it was a reasonable solution to the behavior problem. At first, my oldest took his lashes like a man; no crying, whining or gnashing of teeth-until his dad got home and he had to confess the errs of his way-then the flood gates opened. As any good father would, Lee left me to deal with the carnage and went outside with the other 2. My eldest told me he was "so mad at me." He said that he was so mad that he wanted to find other living arrangements. When I offered to call either his aunt or uncle to find out if he could move in with them, he didn't like this solution. Nor did he like the idea of getting a paper and finding reasonable priced apartments. His suggestion was that he build a toilet in his room and that he would never have to come out but I would still have to bring him his meals (he'd build a slot in the door and I could slide a tray under it). When I proposed that his idea wasn't really desirable position for me (I still had to cook, clean and clothe him, yet never see him) he ire abated and he decided that he'd rather go outside and ride his bike than figure out how to move out of the family compound.
Yesterday my daughter told our babysitter that she (our babysitter) could take care of her (our daughter) babies when she had them. This was after my daughter found out that our babysitter wouldn't be taking care of a baby in a supplemental job I was trying to arrange for our babysitter. I guess our daughter didn't want our babysitter to worry and wanted to let her know that she would always have a place in our lives and in our hearts. My babysitter said she had tears in her eyes and joy in her heart when my 4 year old said this to her. When the babysitter reminded our daughter that she (the babysitter) would be an old lady when she (our daughter) had babies, my daughter told her not to worry, she could still take care of her babies. Even when I told our middle kid that the babysitter would be here with him the majority of the day while he is sick, he was relieved to hear it. She is his second mother and we are her second family.
Well, I am off to get ready for my bible study. I'll let you know what I learn.
I'm starting a new bible study today which will be an 8 week study in preparation for Easter. I'm very excited about it because I have been wanting to really get to know God on a more intimate level. As I go along this journey I become less interested in what it is that I want to do with my life and more interested in what God has in store for me. Interestingly, though you might think this might cause some fear and anxiety (like what if He wants me to go live in the jungles of Borneo or become a televangelist or pass out tracts on the street corner) it really doesn't. As I have learned over the past 11 months, He can carry you through the most horrific of situations with peace and joy. I guess it is like any relationship in which you enter. At first there is some distrust; does this person really have my best interest in mind and when will they screw me over? But, as you spend more time with that person, you build trust and work out your issues. For those skeptics out there, like maybe I'm just deluding myself (that whole idea that religion is the opium for the masses)? Perhaps, but it is a delusion that works for me.
My middle kid stayed home from school today. Apparently he is 'sick'. I'm not sure that I trust this hypothesis right now, but I decided not to be a complete dragon lady and let him stay home (especially since his hacking cough might be off-putting to his teacher and his peers). By allowing him to stay home we avoided the whole 'bump-in-the-sock' drama. A phenomenon that only occurs with his socks, even the so called 'seamless socks'. Putting on a pair of shoes (if we can find his because his and only his always magically disappear) can cause an unreasonable delay as he has to readjust his socks about a dozen times (per foot) before he is able to walk. As I have learned, life is harder for my middle child than for the other 2. For some reason the same situations that the other 2 can pass through with ease cause this one much difficulty and consternation. For instance, he is a 'slow-eater'. This is a diagnosis that he gave himself. He is afflicted with the inability to eat whatever he is provided in a timely manner, especially if finds said meal unpalatable (i.e., not candy or fruit). If I try to shame him into eating by comparing him to his siblings (yes, I know this is not a parenting technique that is advocated by anyone) and reminding him that they finished their respective meals long ago, he responds tearfully, "But mommy, you know I am a slow-eater" as though I am trying to get a legless kid to run faster.
I had a tete-a-tete with my oldest the other day. He and the middle child had been disciplined after they made me proud in the grocery store by doing their finest booty dance at the cash register and engaging in various and sundry other assinine antics. Their punishment, no cookie or cookie-making after school as had been promised (the whole reason we were at the grocery store-to purchase ingredients for our Norman Rockwell afternoon). I thought it was a reasonable solution to the behavior problem. At first, my oldest took his lashes like a man; no crying, whining or gnashing of teeth-until his dad got home and he had to confess the errs of his way-then the flood gates opened. As any good father would, Lee left me to deal with the carnage and went outside with the other 2. My eldest told me he was "so mad at me." He said that he was so mad that he wanted to find other living arrangements. When I offered to call either his aunt or uncle to find out if he could move in with them, he didn't like this solution. Nor did he like the idea of getting a paper and finding reasonable priced apartments. His suggestion was that he build a toilet in his room and that he would never have to come out but I would still have to bring him his meals (he'd build a slot in the door and I could slide a tray under it). When I proposed that his idea wasn't really desirable position for me (I still had to cook, clean and clothe him, yet never see him) he ire abated and he decided that he'd rather go outside and ride his bike than figure out how to move out of the family compound.
Yesterday my daughter told our babysitter that she (our babysitter) could take care of her (our daughter) babies when she had them. This was after my daughter found out that our babysitter wouldn't be taking care of a baby in a supplemental job I was trying to arrange for our babysitter. I guess our daughter didn't want our babysitter to worry and wanted to let her know that she would always have a place in our lives and in our hearts. My babysitter said she had tears in her eyes and joy in her heart when my 4 year old said this to her. When the babysitter reminded our daughter that she (the babysitter) would be an old lady when she (our daughter) had babies, my daughter told her not to worry, she could still take care of her babies. Even when I told our middle kid that the babysitter would be here with him the majority of the day while he is sick, he was relieved to hear it. She is his second mother and we are her second family.
Well, I am off to get ready for my bible study. I'll let you know what I learn.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Feliz Ano Nuevo
It's a new year and a new blog. If Lee and I ever have a band we are going to call ourselves The Spitting Pigeons so it seemed like an appropriate name. I went back to work today (again) and was suprised at how much I enjoyed it (again). The idea of doing a grand rounds (which is just a fancy description for a medical conference for your colleagues) about the doctor as a patient has been floating around in my head. It seems like a big project, but maybe I'll do it.
I had to tell our babysitter that we might not be able to employ her full time for much longer. I felt like I was breaking up with her and it didn't feel good at all. This woman has been my saving grace for the past 4 years and the thought of not having her come to our house every day is like thinking about breathing without oxygen. And while she makes my life immensely more liveable, what really makes me sick is thought of her being with a family that doesn't love her as much as we do. I wish I had an endless fountain of money so I could support her and her family forever.
I started tamoxifen about 5 days ago and so far there have not been horrific side effects. Hopefully it will continue as well as it has for the past 5 days. Well, I'm off to bed now, but thought I'd get started on my 2008 on-line journal.
I had to tell our babysitter that we might not be able to employ her full time for much longer. I felt like I was breaking up with her and it didn't feel good at all. This woman has been my saving grace for the past 4 years and the thought of not having her come to our house every day is like thinking about breathing without oxygen. And while she makes my life immensely more liveable, what really makes me sick is thought of her being with a family that doesn't love her as much as we do. I wish I had an endless fountain of money so I could support her and her family forever.
I started tamoxifen about 5 days ago and so far there have not been horrific side effects. Hopefully it will continue as well as it has for the past 5 days. Well, I'm off to bed now, but thought I'd get started on my 2008 on-line journal.
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