We're up in Western PA on vacation. The kids love it up here because it is a total departure from their reality. They can play in the creek, swim in the pond, pick blackberries, shoot b-b guns, stay up as late as they want, harrass their older cousins...Basically it's utopia. Bathing is pretty much optional. The place uses well water and my mother-in-law polices water usage like the Kremlin policed free speech. My kids have no concept of conservation. You turn on the tap, water comes out. To them, it's like cash at the ATM machine-there is always an endless source-if you want some, you can get some. Trying to explain the differences in modern water delivery sources was more than they cared to know. I wasn't about to start a conversation about septic tanks. Plumbing is not a topic of interest to them.
Many people might consider a two week vacation with your in-laws to be a lapse in better judgement. Before I left home, one of my friends asked me, "Are you sure you want to spend that much time with your husband's family?" These people, Lee's family, are delightful. Where else could Lee have gotten his charm? There isn't a single conversation without the use of 4 letter words (by granny and grandchild alike). Besides, these people know all of my husband's most embarrasing and humiliating moments in life and share these stories freely. I know that I am accepted and loved by these people because any story that involves me they begin with the statement, "Remember when Michelle used to be nice..." My sister-in-law is convinced that with my first pregnancy there was come trans-placental transfer of blood causing a transformation that changed me into the beautifully ruthless woman that they love and admire today. While the kids might look forward to all of the woodsy/outdoor activities, Lee and I get all giddy at the prospect of playing Scrabble day after day with his sister and various other family members. It's pretty cut-throat and I have to admit that I can't really run with the big dogs, but I give a fairly good show.
We spent some time in the DC area with Lee's brother and his family. Lee and his brother are about as tight as two grown men can be. However, you'd never realize that the two of them left adolescence, at least not mentally. They are complete idiots around each other and my two boys are just like them. It's heartwarming. (It actually is-to see them-Lee and his big brother-simultaneously change diapers/give baths and make up foul stories to make the other one laugh). It makes me smile to think about our collective 5 children playing together. The biggest dilemma of our 7 days together was that my eldest boy couldn't understand how his 3 year old girl cousin wanted to incorporate princesses into their spy game. This caused him endless frustration because why would anyone want to desicrate a perfectly good spy game with girl stuff? It almost overloaded his system for me to tell him that perhaps she could stun the bad guy with her princessly beauty or karate chop them with her ballet moves. Begrudgingly, he acquiesed. My daughter, at age 4, was the cool, older cousin to her 3 year old cousin. "Why does she copy everything I do, Mom?" Hmmm...sounds familiar, but the other way around usually...And of course, everyone loved the baby. None of it could have been any better.
We were able to go to DC one day and see some of the sights. My oldest son never stopped asking questions from the moment we parked the car till the second we arrived back to his aunt and uncle's house. These weren't your usual 'I need some factual information' questions. These were the 'torture your parents till there brain throbs' kind of questions. "What if we saw the President?" "What if he invited us to his house to eat?" "Why is there a gate around the White House?" "How did that squirrel get inside the gate?" "I can't see any of the security cameras." "What if I climbed over the fence?" "Where does the Vice-President live?" "What does he do?" "Why hasn't their ever been a woman President?" "Will we ever have a woman President?" "What if we stole the Hope Diamond?" "It's not really that big. I've seen bigger."
We took our 10 year old niece with us and I think she was the perfect age to see DC. She knew enough history for it to be pertinent (as opposed to our kids who will likely only remember the popsicles that we bought from the street vendor). Taking her, our niece, reminded me of when my aunts and uncles used to take me with them on trips. Going somewhere with your aunts and uncles, when you are little, opens a whole different window to the world. These are grown adults, in many ways like your parents, but completely different from them. It's a whole different set of rules with aunts and uncles. They listen to different music, eat different food, watch different shows, laugh at different jokes. It's the first time you are able to see the world in a context other than the one presented to you by your parents and it's done with complete safety. Who better to show you an alternate view of reality than your own parents' siblings? They aren't trying to corrupt you and they have only your best interest in mind and they completely love you. I think back to my own childhood and the impact that my aunts and uncles had on my upbringing and I can't imagine not doing this for my own nieces and nephews. These are the people that you turn to when your own parents are being absolute shits for not letting you stay out all night on prom-nite. They aren't your parents so you don't see their flaws with the intensity that you see your own parents' flaws and they tolerate your irritating personality traits much more than your own parents do. Aunts and uncles (even those unrelated "aunts and uncles") are God's emissaries of good will. They are the angels that help us through some of life's most difficult moments. I take my job as aunt very seriously and I am much more sensitive to my nieces and nephews judgement of me than my own children (my kids are stuck with me, they have no choice).
I guess that is why these trips to see my husband's family are so important to me. I'm not really doing it for my own enjoyment. That's a fringe benefit. It's for my kids and my nieces and nephews; the next generation. I'm hoping and praying that Lee and I are building a legacy that my kids and my nieces and nephews can pass on to their kids and their kids' cousins. There is not much that matters more than family. My kids have the luxury of being in the same town as my mom and my brother and his family. They don't have that benefit with Lee's family and how could I ever deprive them of the opportunity to be around the people that made their father the man that he is. They need this to help put together the puzzle of who they are. Especially since my kids have characteristics of their father's family poking all through their personalities. And I am proud that they do.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Turning Christian
Need to clean the mouse's cage. I say that to myself everyday with earnest intentions of doing so. It doesn't smell-not yet. In her cage, there is a mezzanine, an area for relaxation and there are little mouse turds on it. This is what tells me that I can't keep waiting one more day. When the mouse turds are visible to the naked eye, it is creeping into the realm of public health concerns. I can ask my housekeeper/nanny to do a lot of things, but that is probably crossing the line.
I am at the mercy of my housekeeper/nanny. This morning when she walked into our house I thought she was in a bad mood and immediately I felt guilty. I know this is a very egocentric view of my nanny's world, but I was convinced I had done something injurious to her-like asking her to come in early. I tip-toed around till I was sure that she was in a good mood. You must understand, this woman, she completes me. As a matter of fact, in the diad that is myself and my babysitter, I am a very small component. It's mostly all her. I'm almost unnecessary in our home. Even the kids know this. They know to go to her for most household queries. I'm mearly window dressing. Because my world would come crashing down around me if she were to suddenly leave me, I'm constantly trying to keep the fire burning with little enticements and gestures of affection, like heating her a slice of left over pizza for lunch or sending left-overs home with her. How could she ever leave me? No one else would ever treat her so well...
Middle son "turned Christian" this week at vacation bible school. He announced this at our evening meal while he was saying grace. "And God, thank you for letting me turn Christian today..." He is all okay with Jesus. Oldest son is slightly more concrete than middle son. When asked about the condition of his eternal soul, he told his father and I that he just couldn't do it. Meaning he could not have the same conversion experience that his younger brother had just had, "because I waited and nothing happened. I didn't feel any different. It's just not going to happen for me." He had so quickly and easily resolved himself to eternal brimstone and damnation as though he had decided to take a pass on the gravy. Christ's salvation was meant for some people, but not for him and he was a-okay with that. He tried once in that gospel tent at vbs, but it was a no-go for him. As we talked to him, we realized his teacher had told him that she had felt something emotional when she "turned Christian". I guess he kept waiting for this rush of wind or the song of a thousand angels or Christ himself to come marching down the aisle with his big brass band and when it didn't happen he just shrugged his shoulders.
I don't expect my kids to completely get it about salvation right now-I mean while they are this young. We talk about it all the time. Christ's redemptive love, his salvation, his death on the cross, our sins, etc, etc...Not in a frightening, legalistic, authoritarian kind of way, but in a "hey, this is really cool & you're never going to believe this" kind of way. Eventually they will have to make up their own minds. Our job is exposure. And dialogue. And modeling. This last one is the most important one. God himself knows that I am a pretty feable stand-in for him, but he still nominated me (and Lee) for the job. We are the first people to reflect Christ's grace and mercy and love to our children. How we live our lives, especially in these early years, tells them everything about God's love. We have a few short years before other peoples' opinions matter more than ours do. Whenever I have to take a deep breath and pause so I don't completely loose it, this is what I remember. Time passes by quickly.
Oldest son had some hope that salvation was also for him after we explained that as Brad Delp, lead singer of 70's band Boston, so aptly stated, "It's more than a feeling..." (though I don't think he was referring to salvation, but to some girl named Marianne). Middle son, realizing for once in his life he had something his older brother did not have (even though we all have it-the ability to open the door from the inside), immediately became the spiritual and moral compass for that moment at the dinner table. With his 4 year old younger sister sitting to his left, he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, raised his eyebrows and asked out of the side of his mouth, "What about her?" As though we might be able to sift her out once and for all. She was happily oblivious with her rice and squash. For her, vbs is something that her mother is forcing her to attend and she barely tolerates. But, I guess all a mother can do is pray. That is what my mother did for many, many years and she still does. I know I am where I am today because of my mother's prayers. I pray for my children; that they would know (and know early) and experience God's love and mercy and grace that he gives to all of us, free of charge. Hopefully someday they will all "turn Christian".
Ephesians 3:14-19
14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[e] 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.[f] 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
I am at the mercy of my housekeeper/nanny. This morning when she walked into our house I thought she was in a bad mood and immediately I felt guilty. I know this is a very egocentric view of my nanny's world, but I was convinced I had done something injurious to her-like asking her to come in early. I tip-toed around till I was sure that she was in a good mood. You must understand, this woman, she completes me. As a matter of fact, in the diad that is myself and my babysitter, I am a very small component. It's mostly all her. I'm almost unnecessary in our home. Even the kids know this. They know to go to her for most household queries. I'm mearly window dressing. Because my world would come crashing down around me if she were to suddenly leave me, I'm constantly trying to keep the fire burning with little enticements and gestures of affection, like heating her a slice of left over pizza for lunch or sending left-overs home with her. How could she ever leave me? No one else would ever treat her so well...
Middle son "turned Christian" this week at vacation bible school. He announced this at our evening meal while he was saying grace. "And God, thank you for letting me turn Christian today..." He is all okay with Jesus. Oldest son is slightly more concrete than middle son. When asked about the condition of his eternal soul, he told his father and I that he just couldn't do it. Meaning he could not have the same conversion experience that his younger brother had just had, "because I waited and nothing happened. I didn't feel any different. It's just not going to happen for me." He had so quickly and easily resolved himself to eternal brimstone and damnation as though he had decided to take a pass on the gravy. Christ's salvation was meant for some people, but not for him and he was a-okay with that. He tried once in that gospel tent at vbs, but it was a no-go for him. As we talked to him, we realized his teacher had told him that she had felt something emotional when she "turned Christian". I guess he kept waiting for this rush of wind or the song of a thousand angels or Christ himself to come marching down the aisle with his big brass band and when it didn't happen he just shrugged his shoulders.
I don't expect my kids to completely get it about salvation right now-I mean while they are this young. We talk about it all the time. Christ's redemptive love, his salvation, his death on the cross, our sins, etc, etc...Not in a frightening, legalistic, authoritarian kind of way, but in a "hey, this is really cool & you're never going to believe this" kind of way. Eventually they will have to make up their own minds. Our job is exposure. And dialogue. And modeling. This last one is the most important one. God himself knows that I am a pretty feable stand-in for him, but he still nominated me (and Lee) for the job. We are the first people to reflect Christ's grace and mercy and love to our children. How we live our lives, especially in these early years, tells them everything about God's love. We have a few short years before other peoples' opinions matter more than ours do. Whenever I have to take a deep breath and pause so I don't completely loose it, this is what I remember. Time passes by quickly.
Oldest son had some hope that salvation was also for him after we explained that as Brad Delp, lead singer of 70's band Boston, so aptly stated, "It's more than a feeling..." (though I don't think he was referring to salvation, but to some girl named Marianne). Middle son, realizing for once in his life he had something his older brother did not have (even though we all have it-the ability to open the door from the inside), immediately became the spiritual and moral compass for that moment at the dinner table. With his 4 year old younger sister sitting to his left, he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, raised his eyebrows and asked out of the side of his mouth, "What about her?" As though we might be able to sift her out once and for all. She was happily oblivious with her rice and squash. For her, vbs is something that her mother is forcing her to attend and she barely tolerates. But, I guess all a mother can do is pray. That is what my mother did for many, many years and she still does. I know I am where I am today because of my mother's prayers. I pray for my children; that they would know (and know early) and experience God's love and mercy and grace that he gives to all of us, free of charge. Hopefully someday they will all "turn Christian".
Ephesians 3:14-19
14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[e] 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.[f] 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Consider It All Joy
Today has been a rough day. There has been the usual parenting stuff-kids vomiting, whining, arguing. The cousins spent the night last nite as part of my elaborate plan to make life easier for myself and my sister in law. But the plans were foiled when middle son started vomiting at 4 am and one by one all of the kids started waking up. Then we just had one sick kid, one caffeine deficient mother, a sleeping father and 4 extra kids. However, I will say that for a few brief moments, while I had my daughter, my niece and my middle son all hunkered in bed with me and my nephew and oldest son asleep in the other room (Lee exiled himself to the guest room) I felt like I was doing something right. Even though we had everyone rambling around different beds (girls on floor, girls on bed, boys on floor, boys on bed, husband on bed, husband in guest room, niece in bed with cousins, niece on floor with aunt, everyone awake by 5:30 am), this is how summer should be, spending the night with your cousins and staying up late (or in this case, getting up early).
By 9 am I was ready for a nap and lucky for me, our babysitter was here, but that's when the scream-fest began. My niece, who is 2 yrs old, had been up since 4:30 am and her usual cheery disposition was overshadowed by sleep deprivation. My daughter was hell bent on doing her best Sybil impersonation and when my sister in law tried to take her and her cousin for a walk, she began shreaking so loudly that I thought she was being abducted. Erroneously, I had thought that I would be able to get some sleep while my sick kid was sleeping. I was jolted out of my pre-slumber state by my daughter's howls and I reluctantly got out of bed to try to do some damage control. With the TV tuned to Sponge Bob (with nearly 300 channels, we can always find a channel showing Sponge Bob) I tried to sleep on the sofa while my daughter watched TV, but like clockwork, she would poke me in the ribs just as I was about to drift out of consciousness. When my oldest son called me from swim practice to tell me he missed me (he had been taken by a neighbor) and could I please come and stay with him at the pool (this was 5 minutes after the practice began) I realized that it was not meant to be. The gods did not ordain sleep as part of my destiny.
Because middle kid fell of our tread mill yesterday, husband and I were concerned about his complaints of headache and his persistent vomiting. Seventeen years of combined medical training and nineteen years of combined practice has made us nothing if not overly neurotic when it comes to our kids' health. Since neither one of us are pediatricians, our kids might as well be donkeys when it comes to diagnosing their ailments. We know as much about pediatrics as we do veterinary medicine. So, mid day was punctuated with a trip to the kids' doctor just so she could tell us that it was indeed a viral illness and not some traumatic brain injury that we had feared. Thankfully she gave us a pass on the judgement call of allowing a six year old on a treadmill (it's not our fault that he increased the speed to 7 miles/hour when we weren't looking).
As I am writing this I am watching Dottie, the newest member of our family, do her damnest to try to escape the cage in which she is imprisoned. I finally relented to my daughter's pleas and I bought her a rodent. It's a little mouse and even I've got to admit that it's kind of cute. Dottie, realizing that her tormentors are no where in sight, has decided that now is the time to make a quick get-away. Unsuccessfully, she has tried to chew her way through every corner of the cage. I can see her over there training. Trying to get bigger, stronger, faster by racing on her little wheel and doing drills in her little tunnel. She is determined to have her persistance pay off because I think she knows the alternative-one of her youthful caretakers will unwittingly assasinate her.
The worst part of the day was learning that a breast cancer acquaintence died in May. She was 40 years old and she is survived by her husband and 2 daughters, 13 and 7 years old. I've spent a good part of the day mourning her death and quite honestly, mourning my inclusion in this unfortunate club. This woman was such a lovely person and a true angel when I was first diagnosed. She never failed to send me encouraging notes and she brought me holy water from a cathedral in NYC and a worry/prayer cross. The last time she and I talked I knew that her death was not too far in the distant future. I think that she had hoped that I might be able to help her in some way due to my profession. I think I wanted her to be a window into my future, but a window that did not include death. In the end I think I was a coward. I think I pulled away from her because I couldn't handle the fact that she was going to die. Breast cancer sucks. Everyone should be able to live happily ever after or at the very least until their children are out of college. Children shouldn't be left motherless, especially not 13 and 7 year old children. For as much as I kvetch about motherhood on this blog, every moment with my family is a priviledge and I don't want to be short-changed one single second. I would like to rescind my membership in this club. The dues are too steep and there really aren't too many perks. Pray for me and pray for the women and the families who are affected by this disease.
James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."
By 9 am I was ready for a nap and lucky for me, our babysitter was here, but that's when the scream-fest began. My niece, who is 2 yrs old, had been up since 4:30 am and her usual cheery disposition was overshadowed by sleep deprivation. My daughter was hell bent on doing her best Sybil impersonation and when my sister in law tried to take her and her cousin for a walk, she began shreaking so loudly that I thought she was being abducted. Erroneously, I had thought that I would be able to get some sleep while my sick kid was sleeping. I was jolted out of my pre-slumber state by my daughter's howls and I reluctantly got out of bed to try to do some damage control. With the TV tuned to Sponge Bob (with nearly 300 channels, we can always find a channel showing Sponge Bob) I tried to sleep on the sofa while my daughter watched TV, but like clockwork, she would poke me in the ribs just as I was about to drift out of consciousness. When my oldest son called me from swim practice to tell me he missed me (he had been taken by a neighbor) and could I please come and stay with him at the pool (this was 5 minutes after the practice began) I realized that it was not meant to be. The gods did not ordain sleep as part of my destiny.
Because middle kid fell of our tread mill yesterday, husband and I were concerned about his complaints of headache and his persistent vomiting. Seventeen years of combined medical training and nineteen years of combined practice has made us nothing if not overly neurotic when it comes to our kids' health. Since neither one of us are pediatricians, our kids might as well be donkeys when it comes to diagnosing their ailments. We know as much about pediatrics as we do veterinary medicine. So, mid day was punctuated with a trip to the kids' doctor just so she could tell us that it was indeed a viral illness and not some traumatic brain injury that we had feared. Thankfully she gave us a pass on the judgement call of allowing a six year old on a treadmill (it's not our fault that he increased the speed to 7 miles/hour when we weren't looking).
As I am writing this I am watching Dottie, the newest member of our family, do her damnest to try to escape the cage in which she is imprisoned. I finally relented to my daughter's pleas and I bought her a rodent. It's a little mouse and even I've got to admit that it's kind of cute. Dottie, realizing that her tormentors are no where in sight, has decided that now is the time to make a quick get-away. Unsuccessfully, she has tried to chew her way through every corner of the cage. I can see her over there training. Trying to get bigger, stronger, faster by racing on her little wheel and doing drills in her little tunnel. She is determined to have her persistance pay off because I think she knows the alternative-one of her youthful caretakers will unwittingly assasinate her.
The worst part of the day was learning that a breast cancer acquaintence died in May. She was 40 years old and she is survived by her husband and 2 daughters, 13 and 7 years old. I've spent a good part of the day mourning her death and quite honestly, mourning my inclusion in this unfortunate club. This woman was such a lovely person and a true angel when I was first diagnosed. She never failed to send me encouraging notes and she brought me holy water from a cathedral in NYC and a worry/prayer cross. The last time she and I talked I knew that her death was not too far in the distant future. I think that she had hoped that I might be able to help her in some way due to my profession. I think I wanted her to be a window into my future, but a window that did not include death. In the end I think I was a coward. I think I pulled away from her because I couldn't handle the fact that she was going to die. Breast cancer sucks. Everyone should be able to live happily ever after or at the very least until their children are out of college. Children shouldn't be left motherless, especially not 13 and 7 year old children. For as much as I kvetch about motherhood on this blog, every moment with my family is a priviledge and I don't want to be short-changed one single second. I would like to rescind my membership in this club. The dues are too steep and there really aren't too many perks. Pray for me and pray for the women and the families who are affected by this disease.
James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)