The In-Laws

We're up in Western PA on vacation. The kids love it up here because it is a total departure from their reality. They can play in the creek, swim in the pond, pick blackberries, shoot b-b guns, stay up as late as they want, harrass their older cousins...Basically it's utopia. Bathing is pretty much optional. The place uses well water and my mother-in-law polices water usage like the Kremlin policed free speech. My kids have no concept of conservation. You turn on the tap, water comes out. To them, it's like cash at the ATM machine-there is always an endless source-if you want some, you can get some. Trying to explain the differences in modern water delivery sources was more than they cared to know. I wasn't about to start a conversation about septic tanks. Plumbing is not a topic of interest to them.

Many people might consider a two week vacation with your in-laws to be a lapse in better judgement. Before I left home, one of my friends asked me, "Are you sure you want to spend that much time with your husband's family?" These people, Lee's family, are delightful. Where else could Lee have gotten his charm? There isn't a single conversation without the use of 4 letter words (by granny and grandchild alike). Besides, these people know all of my husband's most embarrasing and humiliating moments in life and share these stories freely. I know that I am accepted and loved by these people because any story that involves me they begin with the statement, "Remember when Michelle used to be nice..." My sister-in-law is convinced that with my first pregnancy there was come trans-placental transfer of blood causing a transformation that changed me into the beautifully ruthless woman that they love and admire today. While the kids might look forward to all of the woodsy/outdoor activities, Lee and I get all giddy at the prospect of playing Scrabble day after day with his sister and various other family members. It's pretty cut-throat and I have to admit that I can't really run with the big dogs, but I give a fairly good show.

We spent some time in the DC area with Lee's brother and his family. Lee and his brother are about as tight as two grown men can be. However, you'd never realize that the two of them left adolescence, at least not mentally. They are complete idiots around each other and my two boys are just like them. It's heartwarming. (It actually is-to see them-Lee and his big brother-simultaneously change diapers/give baths and make up foul stories to make the other one laugh). It makes me smile to think about our collective 5 children playing together. The biggest dilemma of our 7 days together was that my eldest boy couldn't understand how his 3 year old girl cousin wanted to incorporate princesses into their spy game. This caused him endless frustration because why would anyone want to desicrate a perfectly good spy game with girl stuff? It almost overloaded his system for me to tell him that perhaps she could stun the bad guy with her princessly beauty or karate chop them with her ballet moves. Begrudgingly, he acquiesed. My daughter, at age 4, was the cool, older cousin to her 3 year old cousin. "Why does she copy everything I do, Mom?" Hmmm...sounds familiar, but the other way around usually...And of course, everyone loved the baby. None of it could have been any better.

We were able to go to DC one day and see some of the sights. My oldest son never stopped asking questions from the moment we parked the car till the second we arrived back to his aunt and uncle's house. These weren't your usual 'I need some factual information' questions. These were the 'torture your parents till there brain throbs' kind of questions. "What if we saw the President?" "What if he invited us to his house to eat?" "Why is there a gate around the White House?" "How did that squirrel get inside the gate?" "I can't see any of the security cameras." "What if I climbed over the fence?" "Where does the Vice-President live?" "What does he do?" "Why hasn't their ever been a woman President?" "Will we ever have a woman President?" "What if we stole the Hope Diamond?" "It's not really that big. I've seen bigger."

We took our 10 year old niece with us and I think she was the perfect age to see DC. She knew enough history for it to be pertinent (as opposed to our kids who will likely only remember the popsicles that we bought from the street vendor). Taking her, our niece, reminded me of when my aunts and uncles used to take me with them on trips. Going somewhere with your aunts and uncles, when you are little, opens a whole different window to the world. These are grown adults, in many ways like your parents, but completely different from them. It's a whole different set of rules with aunts and uncles. They listen to different music, eat different food, watch different shows, laugh at different jokes. It's the first time you are able to see the world in a context other than the one presented to you by your parents and it's done with complete safety. Who better to show you an alternate view of reality than your own parents' siblings? They aren't trying to corrupt you and they have only your best interest in mind and they completely love you. I think back to my own childhood and the impact that my aunts and uncles had on my upbringing and I can't imagine not doing this for my own nieces and nephews. These are the people that you turn to when your own parents are being absolute shits for not letting you stay out all night on prom-nite. They aren't your parents so you don't see their flaws with the intensity that you see your own parents' flaws and they tolerate your irritating personality traits much more than your own parents do. Aunts and uncles (even those unrelated "aunts and uncles") are God's emissaries of good will. They are the angels that help us through some of life's most difficult moments. I take my job as aunt very seriously and I am much more sensitive to my nieces and nephews judgement of me than my own children (my kids are stuck with me, they have no choice).

I guess that is why these trips to see my husband's family are so important to me. I'm not really doing it for my own enjoyment. That's a fringe benefit. It's for my kids and my nieces and nephews; the next generation. I'm hoping and praying that Lee and I are building a legacy that my kids and my nieces and nephews can pass on to their kids and their kids' cousins. There is not much that matters more than family. My kids have the luxury of being in the same town as my mom and my brother and his family. They don't have that benefit with Lee's family and how could I ever deprive them of the opportunity to be around the people that made their father the man that he is. They need this to help put together the puzzle of who they are. Especially since my kids have characteristics of their father's family poking all through their personalities. And I am proud that they do.