Turning Christian

Need to clean the mouse's cage. I say that to myself everyday with earnest intentions of doing so. It doesn't smell-not yet. In her cage, there is a mezzanine, an area for relaxation and there are little mouse turds on it. This is what tells me that I can't keep waiting one more day. When the mouse turds are visible to the naked eye, it is creeping into the realm of public health concerns. I can ask my housekeeper/nanny to do a lot of things, but that is probably crossing the line.

I am at the mercy of my housekeeper/nanny. This morning when she walked into our house I thought she was in a bad mood and immediately I felt guilty. I know this is a very egocentric view of my nanny's world, but I was convinced I had done something injurious to her-like asking her to come in early. I tip-toed around till I was sure that she was in a good mood. You must understand, this woman, she completes me. As a matter of fact, in the diad that is myself and my babysitter, I am a very small component. It's mostly all her. I'm almost unnecessary in our home. Even the kids know this. They know to go to her for most household queries. I'm mearly window dressing. Because my world would come crashing down around me if she were to suddenly leave me, I'm constantly trying to keep the fire burning with little enticements and gestures of affection, like heating her a slice of left over pizza for lunch or sending left-overs home with her. How could she ever leave me? No one else would ever treat her so well...

Middle son "turned Christian" this week at vacation bible school. He announced this at our evening meal while he was saying grace. "And God, thank you for letting me turn Christian today..." He is all okay with Jesus. Oldest son is slightly more concrete than middle son. When asked about the condition of his eternal soul, he told his father and I that he just couldn't do it. Meaning he could not have the same conversion experience that his younger brother had just had, "because I waited and nothing happened. I didn't feel any different. It's just not going to happen for me." He had so quickly and easily resolved himself to eternal brimstone and damnation as though he had decided to take a pass on the gravy. Christ's salvation was meant for some people, but not for him and he was a-okay with that. He tried once in that gospel tent at vbs, but it was a no-go for him. As we talked to him, we realized his teacher had told him that she had felt something emotional when she "turned Christian". I guess he kept waiting for this rush of wind or the song of a thousand angels or Christ himself to come marching down the aisle with his big brass band and when it didn't happen he just shrugged his shoulders.

I don't expect my kids to completely get it about salvation right now-I mean while they are this young. We talk about it all the time. Christ's redemptive love, his salvation, his death on the cross, our sins, etc, etc...Not in a frightening, legalistic, authoritarian kind of way, but in a "hey, this is really cool & you're never going to believe this" kind of way. Eventually they will have to make up their own minds. Our job is exposure. And dialogue. And modeling. This last one is the most important one. God himself knows that I am a pretty feable stand-in for him, but he still nominated me (and Lee) for the job. We are the first people to reflect Christ's grace and mercy and love to our children. How we live our lives, especially in these early years, tells them everything about God's love. We have a few short years before other peoples' opinions matter more than ours do. Whenever I have to take a deep breath and pause so I don't completely loose it, this is what I remember. Time passes by quickly.

Oldest son had some hope that salvation was also for him after we explained that as Brad Delp, lead singer of 70's band Boston, so aptly stated, "It's more than a feeling..." (though I don't think he was referring to salvation, but to some girl named Marianne). Middle son, realizing for once in his life he had something his older brother did not have (even though we all have it-the ability to open the door from the inside), immediately became the spiritual and moral compass for that moment at the dinner table. With his 4 year old younger sister sitting to his left, he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, raised his eyebrows and asked out of the side of his mouth, "What about her?" As though we might be able to sift her out once and for all. She was happily oblivious with her rice and squash. For her, vbs is something that her mother is forcing her to attend and she barely tolerates. But, I guess all a mother can do is pray. That is what my mother did for many, many years and she still does. I know I am where I am today because of my mother's prayers. I pray for my children; that they would know (and know early) and experience God's love and mercy and grace that he gives to all of us, free of charge. Hopefully someday they will all "turn Christian".

Ephesians 3:14-19

14 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,[e] 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.[f] 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.