Quality Time

Lee is complaining that I am on the computer when we are supposed to be spending quality time watching prerecorded TV. But, I have to tell the world how much I hate him, so he's just going to have to deal. The burden of being a woman is just overwhelming sometimes. If he was in charge of childcare arrangements, our world would come unraveled. So, one small oversight on my part and suddenly I'm encroaching on his intricately scheduled day and his whole stack of cards comes crashing down. I don't really hate my husband by the way. And it turns out that watching some bad TV has pickled my mind enough that I am no longer as irritated with him.

Six Year Old Boys Don't Defy Gravity

My middle son and I just returned from our annual trip to the emergency room. I should be grateful that we have had more ER-free intervals as he gets older. But, if any kid is going to make your heart stop, it is him. After explaining to my oldest son that we couldn't go play on the south playground at church because it's isolated and not safe in the late afternoon, my middle son falls off the playground equipment on the "safe" playground. Actually he didn't fall off the equipment, he willingly jumped off. He and his brother play a secret spy game where one is Cody and the other is Toady (I believe it is actually spelled Tody, but prenounced Toady). I don't know who is who, but today, my older son, as part of the game, told my younger son to jump off a 6-8 foot ledge on the playground equipment and my younger son, not ever wanting to disappoint his big brother and willing to follow him into battle, complied with this request. The middle son was lying on his back, crying, when I found him. Apparantly 6 year old boys are not like cats and don't land on their feet when dropped from high places. Mine landed flat on his back.

When I came over to survey the damage, the 6 year old was crying and therefore, luckily, conscious. His big brother was standing at his head and was peering down at him. When I asked him for an explanation, an astute observer of the obvious, he said, "He's crying". My oldest was suddenly struck with an amnestic illness and couldn't remember any of the details of the fall or the events preceding it. Though he did admit to suggesting the foolish stunt to his younger brother, he rationalized it with "But I was going to jump after him". I guess he was only going to jump if his younger brother succeeded in his experiment and survived the fall. Since the experiment failed, it was a good thing he sacrificed his younger brother (all in the name of science). The younger one was castigated for following his older brother like a lemming and the older brother was restricted from all electronic devices till his 21st birthday and was not allowed to talk for the rest of the evening.

We had been at church for the boys' choir program. They managed to pull it together for the production and about an hour and a half later, while at dinner, my middle kid started complaining that it hurt everytime he took a breath or if he moved around. Though I am a doctor, I loose all objectivity when it's one of my kids. My own husband was working in the Ben Taub Emergency Center, so he conveniently missed all of the family drama and exictement.

So, here we are 6 x-rays and $6000 later.

Psalm 91

9 If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11 For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.

Le Weekend Away

Lee and I are at the lovely and luxurious le hotel, L'auberge du Lac in scenic Lake Charles, Louisiana. A friend's wedding is the occasion, though it could be a court summons and if it required leaving the state without our children we would be there. We aren't "casino people", but apparently a large proportion of east Texas is. As we walked down the corridor to the elevator to our room, we passed a bunch of shops with fake French names, like L'Sundries, Le Cafe, etc. I'm not sure who they think they are fooling, but we've taken to talking with the article "le" in front of everything we say. The other observation that we made was the people who were in le lobby, Le Cafe and le hallway didn't look like they should be spending their most recent paycheck in le casino. These are the same people who take their babies to the 10pm showing of R-rated movies. I might have missed that chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics Guide to the First Five Years of Life, but I can't remember reading about the best place to park your stroller in the casino lobby so as to avoid second hand smoke. Lee and I went to le pool today and floated on le lazy river. The room is fairly nice and even though the website didn't give you a non-smoking option, I think they built an entire new wing of rooms to accomodate fussy people like me.

I have become less prepared and neurotic in regards to traveling the older I become. When we left Houston, I didn't have the name of the church or the location of the reception. About 2 weeks ago, when we had our friends over for dinner I commented that I thought the wedding was going to be at the casino. After recoiling in horror she corrected my misconception and told me the wedding was to be in a proper church and the reception at another location. She reassured me that even though I had lost my invitation, when Lee and I arrived at the hotel, we would have a welcome bag with directions to the church and reception. The hotel ran out of them before we checked-in. All we knew was they were getting married in a Catholic church in Lake Charles, LA. No one at the Le Hotel could help us. Since there are only about 5 Catholic churches in town, we thought we might be able to drive around and find it. We decided that they weren't getting married at the Charismatic Catholic Center on 8th Ave which was situated between liquor stores and the barber shop. Neither were they having the ceremony at the church on Mill St where there was a pack of stray dogs and a man carrying a 40oz in a paper bag responding to his own internal stimuli. At yet another church we met a nice group from south Louisiana all dressed in Hawaian shirts. "No baby, we're having our rehearsal here, but if you go right on Enterprise and cross over Prien Lake, there's a real nice Catholic church there." I guess we didn't fit their demographic and they were sending us to the 'burbs. After an hour and a half of the sights and smells tour of Lake Charles, Louisiana, we were about to call it a loss and head back to Le Hotel. Lucky for us, a friend happened to answer his page from his answering service (those people are nosy and I'm sure they think that the good doctor is having an affair after I told them the call was in regard to a personal matter. I was too humiliated to explain that I was lost and unprepared and was asking them to page the man who wasn't even on call simply for directions. When they asked why I was calling him if it wasn't related to a patient, responding with "it's a personal matter" sounded like the better option). His wife unearthed her invitation and called us with the Mapquest directions. The best part of the whole night was the fact that neither one of us cared that we were driving in circles for the better half of the evening. Sure, it would have been nice to have actually seen my friends wedding, but I guess it's a pretty good that we both had fun doing nothing (though slightly sad that this counts as fun for us).

Another thing that we like to do just to keep the love alive is try to find new and unique ways to irritate each other. I recommend downloading embarrasing ringtones. It takes my husband about a day and a half to figure out how to change it back to something he likes, but in the meantime, it's great fun to know that everytime he answers his cell phone, he gets to hear "Dancing Queen" by Abba. Hands down, he is the most irritating person in the relationship. Some days he will go the whole day talking to me with the letters "sk" added to the last word of every phrase or sentence. Then sometimes he will just quietly repeat the suffix, "-sk" several times. Our relationship is based on love and maturity.

Ecclesiastes 11:4

"If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done."

Seamless Socks and Earthly Vessels

I'm not sure if I have discussed this topic before, but if I have then it is a very important topic that needs a lot of attention; bumpless socks or more specifically, socks with bumps, but whose bumps would be better off missing. My middle son, who is afflicted with a very irritable tempermant, can't seem to handle the whole sock-seam issue. Most mornings the darn bump in his socks throws him into a fit of rage that affects the whole household. Even the babysitter is scared of him. I have tried the so called 'seamless' socks (they still have a seam) and they are no better. It's the same scenario every morning. Middle son puts on his socks, middle son has a meltdown because the "bumps are irritating me!" Six pairs of socks later, the issue has still not resolved itself. Most days we are walking out of the house late due to so many sock changes and he is still barefoot and crying till we are half way to the school.

The goldfish that my mother bought for my children have lost their appeal. Actually this happened about a day and a half after they came into our possession and my daughter realized that goldfish and their bowls emit a very foul odor. By day 2, due to untimely deaths, we had already put a pair of goldfish 'to sea'. The odor was completely offensive and intolerable to my 4 year old daughter and she implored that I rid the house of them. I asked her how she thought I should get rid of the goldfish and her suggestion was to "just flush them". She had no remorse or guilt over the thought of executing helpless goldfish. When I told her we couldn't just kill them (while I wish I could convince myself that it was a moral issue, I've got to be honest and admit it was the $40 investment in goldfish paraphenalia that prevented me from participating in her sinister plan), she said, "Well then, put them outside because they are yucky!" Now they live in my garage and I figure if the Houston heat doesn't kill them (from near boiling water), shear neglect might. Already, we are back at 2 goldfish. I asked Lee if he thought the putrid water might make good fertilizer for the plants and he said yes. I accidently poured the goldfish out when I was pouring out the water. I covered it with some mulch so my kids wouldn't see it, but I'm sure the neighborhood cats have already had their sushi.

Just when I thought I didn't have any body or other issues, someone delves into the psyche of my husband and points out my not so thinly veiled insecurities. It turns out that having breasts that look like Barbie's (sans nipples) might actually be bothersome to me and, on some level, doubt my femininity and attractiveness. Furthermore, I might fear that at any random moment my husband might say, "F_ck this sh_t! This is more than I signed on for! I'm outta here!" "Could he really find someone attractive whose body, naked, looks like a patchwork quilt?" I say to myself. "What about all those women out there who don't have these complications? They might seem like a viable option to him right about now." I don't think I've said anything of these things on a conscious level, but apparently my subconscience must be screaming. And you know what, it all makes sense (the insecurities that is). It might not be rational, but it makes sense. I kind of feel like the real woman part of me is gone forever (and I'm not being melodramatic-you try having your boobs chopped off) and all the outward stuff is a little bit like putting lipstick on a pig. Never in my life have I so consciously paid attention to my outward appearance. Not to be conceited, but I've always taken it for granted that I was pretty. Now I make sure that I am always wearing cute clothes and that I have on an appropriate amount of make-up and I always wear perfume. I still want to be pretty dammit! Even if I don't have all the girl parts, I still want to be a girl. I'm considering liposuction for god's sake! Not only how I look to my husband, but how my kids perceive me is important to me. I want them to be proud of me and even though physical appearances shouldn't matter, I don't want them to have a mom who is Side Show Bob.

I leave you with this. This is what Paul had to say about the capsules we inhabit during our time here on earth. I guess I'm not supposed to put too much stock in this shell, though I fully admit that sometimes it's hard not to.

1 Corinthians 15:50-58

50 What I am saying, dear brothers and sisters, is that our physical bodies cannot inherit the Kingdom of God. These dying bodies cannot inherit what will last forever.

51 But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! 52 It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. 53 For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.

54 Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled:

“Death is swallowed up in victory.
55 O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”

56 For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power.

57 But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58 So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.