I've been trying to decide what direction I should steer (don't know if this is cattle or driving) this new blog. I am entering into a new level of my spiritual growth and I think this would be as good of a place as any to chronicle my growth. Part of me is nervous to put my faith out there because, historically, I've always been mortified by people who publically proclaim to be followers of 'Jee-sus'. But, I'd like to think that I'm beyond caring about public humiliation and I'm secure enough in myself to realize that Jesus is equally as credible to discuss and believe in as most of the schlock that is out there. Before I scare anyone away, this is not meant to be fire and brimstone and hell and damnation (though I do believe in that sort of thing), but just a way to talk about what I am experiencing. Of course I will likely throw in other thoughts and reflections and experiences (and some of which will seem less than spiritual).
I'm starting a new bible study today which will be an 8 week study in preparation for Easter. I'm very excited about it because I have been wanting to really get to know God on a more intimate level. As I go along this journey I become less interested in what it is that I want to do with my life and more interested in what God has in store for me. Interestingly, though you might think this might cause some fear and anxiety (like what if He wants me to go live in the jungles of Borneo or become a televangelist or pass out tracts on the street corner) it really doesn't. As I have learned over the past 11 months, He can carry you through the most horrific of situations with peace and joy. I guess it is like any relationship in which you enter. At first there is some distrust; does this person really have my best interest in mind and when will they screw me over? But, as you spend more time with that person, you build trust and work out your issues. For those skeptics out there, like maybe I'm just deluding myself (that whole idea that religion is the opium for the masses)? Perhaps, but it is a delusion that works for me.
My middle kid stayed home from school today. Apparently he is 'sick'. I'm not sure that I trust this hypothesis right now, but I decided not to be a complete dragon lady and let him stay home (especially since his hacking cough might be off-putting to his teacher and his peers). By allowing him to stay home we avoided the whole 'bump-in-the-sock' drama. A phenomenon that only occurs with his socks, even the so called 'seamless socks'. Putting on a pair of shoes (if we can find his because his and only his always magically disappear) can cause an unreasonable delay as he has to readjust his socks about a dozen times (per foot) before he is able to walk. As I have learned, life is harder for my middle child than for the other 2. For some reason the same situations that the other 2 can pass through with ease cause this one much difficulty and consternation. For instance, he is a 'slow-eater'. This is a diagnosis that he gave himself. He is afflicted with the inability to eat whatever he is provided in a timely manner, especially if finds said meal unpalatable (i.e., not candy or fruit). If I try to shame him into eating by comparing him to his siblings (yes, I know this is not a parenting technique that is advocated by anyone) and reminding him that they finished their respective meals long ago, he responds tearfully, "But mommy, you know I am a slow-eater" as though I am trying to get a legless kid to run faster.
I had a tete-a-tete with my oldest the other day. He and the middle child had been disciplined after they made me proud in the grocery store by doing their finest booty dance at the cash register and engaging in various and sundry other assinine antics. Their punishment, no cookie or cookie-making after school as had been promised (the whole reason we were at the grocery store-to purchase ingredients for our Norman Rockwell afternoon). I thought it was a reasonable solution to the behavior problem. At first, my oldest took his lashes like a man; no crying, whining or gnashing of teeth-until his dad got home and he had to confess the errs of his way-then the flood gates opened. As any good father would, Lee left me to deal with the carnage and went outside with the other 2. My eldest told me he was "so mad at me." He said that he was so mad that he wanted to find other living arrangements. When I offered to call either his aunt or uncle to find out if he could move in with them, he didn't like this solution. Nor did he like the idea of getting a paper and finding reasonable priced apartments. His suggestion was that he build a toilet in his room and that he would never have to come out but I would still have to bring him his meals (he'd build a slot in the door and I could slide a tray under it). When I proposed that his idea wasn't really desirable position for me (I still had to cook, clean and clothe him, yet never see him) he ire abated and he decided that he'd rather go outside and ride his bike than figure out how to move out of the family compound.
Yesterday my daughter told our babysitter that she (our babysitter) could take care of her (our daughter) babies when she had them. This was after my daughter found out that our babysitter wouldn't be taking care of a baby in a supplemental job I was trying to arrange for our babysitter. I guess our daughter didn't want our babysitter to worry and wanted to let her know that she would always have a place in our lives and in our hearts. My babysitter said she had tears in her eyes and joy in her heart when my 4 year old said this to her. When the babysitter reminded our daughter that she (the babysitter) would be an old lady when she (our daughter) had babies, my daughter told her not to worry, she could still take care of her babies. Even when I told our middle kid that the babysitter would be here with him the majority of the day while he is sick, he was relieved to hear it. She is his second mother and we are her second family.
Well, I am off to get ready for my bible study. I'll let you know what I learn.
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