The Pachanga

The kids and I are in Laredo. We drove down here for a family reunion. These things are always chaotic fun. My kids are slowly getting indoctrinated into the ways of the Mexican family like greeting everyone with a hug and a kiss even if you have no idea who they are. My oldest son asked me why everyone had gathered into my aunt's hotel room. "Why are we having this party?" he asked. "Because when you get a bunch of Mexicans together, that is what they do son. They have parties and they eat (as I stuffed another appetizer in my mouth)" I replied. He is starting to get it. Last nite, on his own, he chose to eat encilantrada (green chicken), but stopped after he got a couple of mouthfuls of chicken bones (a known risk). Who could blame him? My grandmother had her housekeeper (who is really just like an aunt to us b/c we have all known her our whole lives) some pigs feet for my uncles. The whole idea of pigs feet has never appealed to me and after my uncles described the flavor basically as "meat flavored jello" it sealed the deal. Tonite we are all going to Mass ("Why do we have to go? We're not Catholic" my son asks. "B/c your great-grandmother wants to go," is my response. "Why can't she go by herself?" is his rationale. He still hasn't learned about obligation through guilt. He's young so there is time). Then there will be pictures and then more eating. He, my oldest son, wanted to know what American families do when they get together interested in the other half of his heritage. Plenty, but I couldn't quite describe it. This thing, Mexican pachangas, have so much more of an emotional feeling associated with it.

My grandmother, Fina, has 7 children and per her report she would have had 15 children had she not had miscarraiges and still-births. It could be true. The age span is about 20 years between her children. My mom is number 4 after 3 boys followed by 3 younger sisters. Everyone but the youngest sister is here (which very well could have been an intentional decision-to run for the hills when she found out everyone else was going to be here). My husband likes to call my Mexican family the KIA's-the Know It Alls. It's true. Everyone is an expert in a broad assortment of subject matters. It's definitely a cultural experience.

Right now we are having a little bit of down time in the hotel room and my kids are enjoying some Japanimation. Thank God for Cartoon Network. The kids were so exhausted that they slept in till 10:30 this am. Young kids never sleep late. Last nite the only way I could convince them that going to my grandmother's house was a good idea was to promise them that they could go swimming in the hotel pool no matter how late it was when we returned. I don't know if my kids can ever quite comprehend how my mom's family helped shape me as I was growing up. I thrived on the chaos. I don't think that they get the same energy from it, so I am trying to balance it yet still expose them to it. Like going to Mass-my kids would rather watch paint peel, but they have to learn that part of the family experience is doing things you don't enjoy, but you do it for someone else's (someone you love) benefit. Mass is at 4:30. Laredo is a small town (relatively). My mom wanted us to start getting ready to go to my grandmother's house at 2:30 to arrive at my grandmother's by 3-3:30 so we could get to the church by 4pm (early so we could get a seat). I know that this is a set-up for disaster-trying to make my kids sit quietly in a church for 30 minutes before the Mass even begins. I opted for arriving late (and likely exiting early). We'll still get face time and I won't have to scream at my kids. Everyone wins (though my mom was disappointed that we didn't want to keep her company).

All the kids swam in the pool this afternoon and it was fun to watch them all splash and play. I wonder what kind of thoughts go through my grandmother's mind as she witnesses the legacy that she has created. She has always been a constant in all of our lives. It is hard to imagine that there will come a time when there will be a future without Fina. She is 87 years old and she was fortunate to watch all her children grow to adulthood and have children and grand-children of their own. Sometimes I wonder, even though I know God doesn't really work this way, if that was God's consolation to her for having been married to a man who had Bipolar Disorder. The other day my husband commented on how giving and generous my family has always been (my aunt and uncle hosted the kids and I at the beach overnite) and he said, "You'd better be ready to do the same for your nieces and nephews." I'll remind him of that when I have my nieces and nephews and cousins spend the nite, the weekend or travel with us. I am trying to create memories for them, a bond, a culture of their own.

I Thessalonians 2:4 "Our purpose is to please God, not people. He is the one who examines the motives of our heart."