Mercy

Our 91 year old neighbor, who lives with her son and daughter-in-law, has been by herself for the past week because her son and his wife are out of town. This lady is sharp and you'd never guess that she is 91 years old. She is quick-witted and nobody's fool. Our conversations usually cover a wide range of topics and nothing is taboo with her.

While she has been alone the kids and I have been checking on her. The other day, on our way to church, I mentioned, aloud, that we would need to check on her later that day. My 4 year old daughter thoughtfully suggested that we go and stay at her house for the next several days. My middle son, not wanting to be inconvenienced at all, shreaked at that idea. Next, my daughter offered that she should come and stay with us; again a very generous thought. Now, my middle son was really in a fit. "There is no where for her to stay!" he bellowed. My daughter reminded him of our spare bedroom. "She'll mess everything up!" he protested. She told him that it was okay because we could clean up after her. "Why don't we just go put her in one of those old people places!" he concluded. This was a rational train of thought for him. We had just recently visited my 90 year old grandmother who lives in an assisted living facility, so the concept was fresh in his recent memory. There was no way he was going to share his living quarters with this lady. So the obvious solution, if it was good enough for his great grandmother, was to put her out to pasture. It is so strange. My daughter is so completely generous; she'd happily give you her left kidney. He, on the other hand, would leave you bleeding in the street.

Sometimes we all still feel the aftershocks of my cancer diagnosis. They are like the little ripples in the pond. My oldest son has been extra clingy lately. I try to be sensitive to him, but I have to admit that it gets tiresome. Then I have to remember that he is only 7 years old and I take a deep breath and give him what he needs, which for him is a lot of love and affection. At times it feels like my well is going to run dry and then I have to remember that God never pushes me away and never gets tired of my neediness. When we were returning from the grocery store the other day I was explaining to him that a group of friends had given us a gift card for the store after I had my surgery. He thinks about it for a minute and then he asks me, "What was it like, your surgery?" I remind him that he was around and he can remember me having the surgery. He responds, "I know that, but I didn't have the surgery. What did it feel like, for you?" I was completely unprepared for his ability to be empathetic. So, since he truly wants to know, without drama or theatrics, but with complete candor and medical precision I tell him about how difficult, physically, the surgery and the recovery were for me. When I finish telling him about how it felt he thinks for a moment and then he says with the deepest sincerity, "Boy, you are really tough mom!" With tears in my eyes, because not only has he suprised me for a second time with his ability to understand the discomfort I endured but he can appreciate it, I thank him and tell him that it was easy to do because I had 4 good reasons to go through it; he, his brother and sister and his father. I guess he thinks I don't really believe him or understand him, again he says, "No mom, I mean it, you were really tough." Then I realize why I need to be patient when he needs me. Bits and pieces are going to come out when I least expect it and I would be robbing he or his brother or sister if I am not willing to be compassionate to their needs.

I leave you with something I read out of The Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence;

"I consider myself as the most wretched of men, full of sores and corruption, and who has committed all sorts of crimes against his King. Touched with a sensible regret, I confess to Him all my wickedness, I ask His forgiveness, I abandon myself in His hands that He may do whatever He pleases with me. The King, full of mercy and goodness, very far from chastising me, embraces me with his love, makes me eat at His table, serves me with His own Hands, gives me the key of His treasures; He converses and delights Himself with me incessantly, in a thousand and a thousand ways, and treats me in all respects as His favorite. It is thus I consider myself from time to time in His holy presence."