The Lord Is My Shepard.

I'm probably going to be all over the map on this one. Before I had cancer, most of my identity was wrapped up in my accomplishments, namely being a doctor. This past year that identity was strippped away from me. My new role became cancer patient. I am really starting to appreciate that God doesn't catagorize me. I don't have to prove myself worthy to him. He's not so impressed with my accomplishments, neither is he too worried about my shortcomings. There is absolutely no way I could have survived this past year without him walking beside me, frequently carrying me. I have such a new level of trust in God. Before all of this I had so much confidence in my own efforts & concern about my own needs/wants/desires. I have become acutely aware of the part of The Lord's Prayer that states "thy will be done". It is like any intimate relatioship that you might have, you become less concerned about yourself and more concerned about the other person. You want to spend time with that person, getting to know them and you get excited to be in their presence. That is kind of how I feel about God these days. I have so much faith and confidence in him. So, now I have a lot of time to spend with him and I think this is exactly where I need to be. I don't think he brought me through this past year just for grins. I think he wanted to show me tht I could trust him and now I just need to wait patiently.

My oldest son is taking piano lessons and as I sit next to him during the lessons, I passively absorb all he is being taught. I find that I am the one sitting to practice at various times of the day. It is so friggin cool, b/c playing the piano is one of those things I would have just dismissed as not a possibility for me.

I just finished reading, "90 Minutes in Heaven" by Don Piper. He was dead for 90 minutes after a horrific car accident and went to heaven. The book is less about what heaven is like, than a discussion of his acceptance that, for many things on this earth, there is no explanation. We don't know why we are put through certain trials, but our experiences may serve to help others and this might be reason enough.

Psalm 23

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need.
2 He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.
3 He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
4 Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
5 You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.
6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.