Holiday's Over

I've been on holiday (that's the way the British say it-they leave out the article 'a'. Like, they 'go to hospital', not 'the hospital'). Though it really hasn't been much of a holiday. Unless you've had your head under a rock, then you know that Ike rolled through Galveston and Houston. The actual storm itself wasn't too bad-very noisy and at times a little scary. But, our house remained intact with only a blown-over fence and a couple of broken tree limbs. The aftermath of the storm was fun for about a day and a half while everyone was in their front yards helping each other clean up and grilling all the food from the fridge so it wouldn't spoil. Precisely 36 hours after the power went out, it officially got old. It was not intended for me to be a pioneer. The kids and I loaded up and went to my in-laws' lake house for about 7 days and then came home with the pipe dream that our power would come back on and the kids would get to go back to school, but that didn't happen for another 8 days (15 days after the storm). But, considering the amount of damage that occurred in other places, we came out if it unscathed.

Lee and I took our internal medicine recertification exam today. I flew through 180 questions in about 3 hours. The speed with which I completed the exam is not any indication of my results-my fate hangs in the balance and I won't find out whether I passed or failed for another 2-3 months. Because all of my pride (not to mention my board certification) is riding on this, I really hope that I passed. I hate public humiliation. My mother graciously watched our kids last week so we could study and I crammed as much knowledge as I possibly could into that one week. It was actually fun returning to student life when your biggest concern was how many hours of studying you could get done in one day. Since Lee and I didn't meet till I was in medical school and he was in residency we never had the opportunity to study together and it was a great experience hanging out in different coffee shops and university campuses (Lee quite enjoyed the scenery on campus, though he could have been the father of most of the girls there). I did learn a lot; I really like internal medicine andI really like my husband.

While you are preparing for an exam this big, especially when it is crunch time-the last 2-3 weeks before the test, you have this perception that every waking moment of the day needs to be spent reviewing material. "Sorry kids, I can't make you dinner, I have to study. You've seen me get the gas burners started. Make yourself some mac and cheese." "No, you don't have any clean underwear. Laundry isn't a topic in my review book." So, needless to say, my mom was a lifesaver. Who knows what our kids would have had to resort to (selling plasma for food, maybe) if she hadn't agreed to intervene. I explained to my son that this test was like all of the spelling tests in the whole world multiplied by a thousand. I still don't think he got it.

You don't have to take # 2 pencils and bubble in scan trons during standardized testing these days. The 'modern' process is completely computerized and you go to a testing center where the person next to you might be getting his certification as a radiology technician or taking defensive driving, for all you know. We had to arrive at 7:30 am and we arrived about 10 minutes early. Precisely at 7:30 am the test center proctor opened the door and immediately started barking out orders. She was the drill sargent equivalent of a shopping center rent a cop. You could tell she had aspirations, dreams of someday, somewhere being able to really tell people to do things that really mattered. But, for now she was content to make us stand in a single file line and take a number and sit down till our number was called. Every once in a while she would show us her soft side and be personable or make an attempt at humor, but if you tried to reciprocate, she was all business. During my break, I was standing by my locker eating a granola bar and drinking some bottled water and she says, "I'm sorry mam, but you can't eat or drink in here. I'll have to ask you to step into the hallway." "Okay, no big deal", I think to myself. When I walk back in, she is stuffing a candy bar down her gullet. After she got us all signed in and fingerprinted (literally, we were fingerprinted) she didn't have anything to do except surf the net and enforce protocol when one of us would wander out for a break. "No we don't have any water here. Remember, if you take longer than your ten minute break, you will not get extra time to take the test." I think she might have had a flask under her desk. Either that or she was a rapid cycler.

Yesterday we had 2 insurance adjusters come out to look at our master bathroom which has a water leak (pre storm problem). We learned that these guys were not actual employees of the insurance company, but individual private contractors. They were storm chasers of sorts. They were from Florida and were experts in hurricane damage. These guys could have been a band of traveling minstrels dressed as insurance guys-they had the shirts with the company logo, but that was about it. I mean, they were very convincing in their knowledge of house structure and construction. However, the most impressive thing about these 2 guys was their schtick. They were like the McKenzie Brothers or the Smothers Brothers of the insurance adjuster world.

Guy 1, "Hey, did you say you had a water leak, aye?"

Guy 2 "Yeah, she said she had a water leak. Didn't you hear her, she said she had a water leak."

Guy 1 "We're gonna have to go in your attic to look at your pipes, aye."

Guy 2 "Like he said, we're gonna be looking at the pipes in your attic, aye. Your pipes need looking at."

Guy 1 "It could be coming thru the roof and going thru the eaves and it works like capillary action, the water aye, it wicks you know."

Guy 2 "It sucks the water right up, aye. The wicking and the capillary action. Sometimes it comes through the roof, right through the eaves. The water could be coming from there, aye."

Guy 1 "Now what we have to do here is take out all this sheetrock and then you get your mix of grain alcohol and you spray it on the sheetrock to get rid of the mold, aye. The grain alcohol, that's what you need to get. What's that stuff called, you want to get your 151 Everclear, your moonshine-that stuff is what the professionals use. You want to use it aye"

Guy 2 "Now your moonshine, the 151 Everclear-now you might want to drink it, but just take a sip, aye, you want to save it for your mold, aye. Spray her right on there."

Guy 1 "That pipe up in the attic, right where the joint is, aye. What you have there is copper oxide. You see it in that picture there. That's copper oxide. Now it might be a leak, or it might be your standard pinhole, aye."

Guy 2 "Your pinhole, aye, that's what I'm talking about. The pinhole could be causing all yer problems aye. Ya see that copper oxide. Could be that pinhole."

Guy 1 "Now you got yourself a real good insurance company here, but they aren't gonna pay for this, aye. This'll eat your deductable right up, but won't be anymore than that, aye. Yer standard job here, spraying that Everclear and putting up the sheetrock, aye. You won't get a penny from the insurance company, aye."

Guy 2 "Hell no they're not gonna pay fer this, aye. Ya got yer deductable aye. Damn good insurance company. The best there is, aye. That food yer cooking sher does smell good, aye"

Me, "Thanks, your welcome to have some, but my husband told me it tastes like horse shit, aye".

I couldn't have paid for better entertainment. Lee told me that he thought Guy 2 was sweet on me. I think it was the "my husband thinks my cooking is equivalent to horse crap" statement that charmed him the most. But, if flirting gets my bathroom fixed, then I'm all for it, aye.

Final note, I'm on an "eating clean" kick-barley, oats, kashi, etc...So, my recipe, polenta with salmon, bombed yesterday. I believe that right after Lee told me "this tastes like horseshit" he told me that he was going out to get a double at Wendy's. I paid him back by reading about all of the evils of processed foods, refined sugars and saturated fats while he ate his 2 chimichangas. I ruined it for him so bad that he couldn't even eat his refried beans. This morning he reminded me of why I was so smitten with him from the get-go. We were on our way to the test and he was complimenting me on my choice of apparel, black sweats, white t-shirt, black and white hankerchief tied up, 'Aunt-Jemima' like in my hair, glasses with the black and white frames. "You look kind of cute this morning in your headband and matching glasses. Kind of a dalmation look, like you might be riding on the side of a firetruck." He'd better watch out...someone out there might like me, aye!